Sometimes you have choices to make in your life that have consequences. 

Making choices because they are better for yourself, for your own health and happiness.

Because in the end, that is your greatest asset, your most valuable asset.

For me, this time of year has taken on a special meaning, 

a moment I have been consciously reflecting on for 5 years now.

The choices I've made in my life, 

What it has cost me and delivered.

The Christmas song I used to learn in school, 

'There is a baby born on earth' 

has taken on a whole new meaning.

By my choice,
our second child was never born.

Our lives go with peaks and valleys,
And since my decision to get out of this valley,
has the Christmas song "There is a baby born on earth.
took on a whole new meaning.

Because because of my decision, our second child was never born.
That hurt and I ignored that sadness for a long time.

After all, hadn't I chosen it myself?
And you still have a beautiful healthy son.

So how about mourning?
Drying tears and moving on.

But deep down, it hurt.
And we shared that sometimes together, but often alone.

The guilt I carried with me for years,
And sometimes I feel the pain again.

Because.

By MY choice, my husband's wish was not fulfilled,
By MY choice, Pim has no sibling.

I was the one who wanted to stop the fertility treatments,
I'm the one who couldn't go on, I had to give up,
Giving up, at the expense of my own health and happiness.
And that felt like failure, like giving up prematurely.

Now I look at my decision and love giving differently.
Because I had to do this in order to live lovingly.

And then today is Christmas again.
Already the 5th Christmas since then.

Today I celebrate life,
The life given to us.

During my life, I want to give everything,
To those people who pass that on again.

Live
Enjoy
Merry Christmas

Love,

Gerdi

One Life. Lead it. Live it. ❤️

Dear Jelle and Pim,
Thank you.
For Love
Our Happiness &
Our Life
Together ❤️

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