The greatest discoveries in life come not from finding the right answers, but from asking the right questions.

Searching for the right answers and not being able to find them. At least not the answers you want to hear, the answers that will help you move forward. But then do you know exactly what you are looking for and what your need is. What are you looking for, what do you really want? Are you asking the right questions to yourself and to the other person to then also get the right answers?

What are the good questions to get behind your need? 

The question behind your question

To know the need behind the need, you must first be aware of the real need AND take the time to understand it and be able to put it into words. 

Good questions help you become aware of this. The questions that provide insight and give you the insights into what your need is now, what you want now and then what you have to do to achieve that. It is the questions behind the questions that encourage you to get moving and start doing things differently to meet your need.

This quote by Naguib Mahfouz that I read recently hits the essence of asking good questions. I put a feminine spin (😉 ) on it, though:

"You can tell whether a woman is clever by her answers. You can tell whether a woman is wise by her questions." 

One of the greatest personal insights and discoveries in my life has come from stopping looking for answers, but by asking good questions. Asking the right questions at the right time, from the right position:

• Viewing the world through a different lens
• Expose your self-limiting beliefs
• Evaluate your dilemma from a new angle
• Understanding your blind spots and incorrect assumptions

Why is this important? We all have our own "Dike of Equality. From our own position, knowledge and insights. To be able to see new insights, perspectives and vistas again is for me the important reason why I let myself be coached/mentored/developed by others. Those who can help me develop and grow again on a business and personal level. 

I collected a list of good questions myself. Questions that I came across in my own search and especially the questions asked to me by other coaches, mentors. They are the questions that amazed me. Because I had to think about them and I came to answers that I could move forward with.

Herewith my list of questions that will make you think, give insights about the essence - Essentialism. The essence of your being, your work and especially the essence of life. And since I am a visual thinker and can extract the common thread from there, I also wrote down the questions imaginatively. 

Hereby:

Question 1: If I repeated this day for 100 days, would my life be better or worse?

In the delusion of the day, it is difficult to assess the quality and impact of your daily actions and whether you are (still) on the right course. We do much unconsciously and have many routines in our lives.

Zoom out regularly by asking yourself this question:

- How do my actions of a day relate to my whole life?

- Are my actions leading me toward my goals, my vision and my legacy?

- Or are they distracting/misleading actions and taking me off course?

Just like in cycling. Small course errors are amplified by distance and time. Know how to correct your course timely and frequently. Know when to shift gears to accelerate again.

Question 2: If someone else were to observe me for a week, what would my priorities be?

Are you now doing the things that matter, both business and personal? The things you are good at, energize and make an impact with? Or do you let yourself get distracted from the essence and are you 'busy' with peripheral matters? Do you spend precious time and energy on things and/or people that cost you too much time and energy instead of giving you more time and energy?

So if an unbiased third party observed you for a week, what would they say your priorities are?

Do your actions match what you say and what you stand for, or not?

In what areas and priorities are you leaving room for another, letting yourself get distracted and miss out on value (in time, energy, revenue, impact)? 

In the coming week, be the unbiased observer: What do your actions say about your priorities? What do you need to change?

Question 3: If I were the main character in a movie about my own life, what would the audience scream about what I should do next?

You're watching a movie or reading a book and the main character has clearly gone down the wrong path. You probably recognize it, you start to feel that inner urge to yell at him or her:

- "No don't, don't open that door!"

- "Call her, don't let her go!"

Because as a spectator you can look down on the protagonist's situation from a helicopter view and see the bigger picture.

Now if you are that protagonist, what does the audience yell at you?

What insight does the perspective from helicopter view offer that you miss from the ground?

Perspective is everything. You have to detach yourself from your situation and see it through someone else's eyes. Getting above the matter and you can't do that if you are in the middle and on top of it yourself.

For lack of focus, zoom out.

Question 4: Who stops you, who takes you down and who elevators you up?

As an ambitious leader and entrepreneur, you strive for growth, both on a business and personal level. Unfortunately, but we all know them, there are people, issues and things that inhibit/hold back your progress.

The resistance you experience that keeps you from your optimal performance and course. And indeed, those that also cost you energy and time. 

Examples include:

- People chuckling at your ambition or telling you to be more realistic.

- Assignments you take that sabotage your growth.

- Environments that you linger in too long, that limit you and want to protect/keep you small.

- Self-limiting and patronizing beliefs - your own Gremlins - that keep you from doing the things you are capable of doing. 

As long as you are still experiencing growth, you often ignore these inhibitors, this resistance. And what we do in that interim, we conform to the group, to the situation and to what is expected of us from control and certainty. But the resistance they create is risky and hinders you from reaching your full potential. To develop and grow. Whereby you are not leading and living your own life, but you are being led and lived.

So do you feel the need to take back control? Run your own life and professional development/ your business on your terms?

What are the people, issues and impeding thoughts that are holding you back? Who or what is keeping you small and holding you back from taking new steps and growing? 

Question 5: Am I letting information and implementation get in the way of taking action?

Hard truth: There is someone out there, far less qualified than you, living the life you want, achieving the things you want, simply because they took action and you didn't.

You live in the golden age of information. Everything is freely available at the touch of a button. But all that information has a downside: it can become a silent excuse for inaction.

Believe me, I too spent years gathering information and avoiding appropriate new actions to change. In retrospect, I can admit that I used information gathering to hide from my fear of taking action. Making the change, letting go of my certainties and control.

Gathering information turns you into a merry-go-round: Always moving, the same round and the same song, but never going anywhere else.

It's about finding your way between information and action. Gathering dopamine from information is a dangerous drug. Get your dopamine from action. Digiminate, stop scrolling and getting distracted, but start doing the right actions at the right time to achieve your goals. Spend your time on those things that matter. You will achieve much more in much less time with that.

Stop consuming. Start documenting

Question 6: What lie have I told myself so many times that it feels like the truth?

"Watch your thoughts, they become your words; watch your words, they become your actions; watch your actions, they become your habits; watch your habits, they become your character; watch your character, it becomes your destiny." 

• Lao Tzu

In cognitive science, this is also called the Illusory Truth Effect.

The tendency to believe false and incorrect information after consistent, repeated exposure. In other words, if you are told a lie over and over again, it goes into your head as a truth.

Think of it as the internal dialogue with your own Gremlins that goes on 24/7. The power of those Gremlins (which you actually give them) impacts your actions and interactions with the outside world:

• If you tell yourself over and over again that you cannot do something, you will believe it to be true. You won't try. You will stay where you are, knowing that you are not in your right position, whether business or personal.
• If you tell yourself over and over again that you are not worth something, you will believe it to be true. You will fail to realize your full potential and value and leave value on the table.
• If you tell yourself over and over again that you are a static entity, that you are nue once as you are, you will believe it to be true. You will not even try to develop and grow professionally, professionally and personally.

Observe your internal dialogue with your own Gremlins: What are they telling you? What lie are you repeating to yourself?

Recognize it. Tame your Gremlins and take back your leadership.

Question 7: If I knew I would die in 10 years, what would I do today?

No doubt you've seen the shorter term versions of this question:

- What would you do if today was your last day?

- What would you do if you knew you were going to die in a year?

Frankly, I find these questions minimal because the answer usually involves dramatic changes. If I knew I was going to die tomorrow, I certainly wouldn't be writing this Empowered Letter right now.

If I knew I would die in a year, I would probably spend every moment with my family, my husband, my son, family and friends.

That's not really a useful insight to influence my daily actions.

The time horizon that works for me is 10 years. Because 10 years is long enough to have a lot of time left, but short enough to make it very quantifiable.

What would you change if you knew you wouldn't be around in 2034?

• What do you want to leave behind, what is your legacy?
• What fears would disappear?
• What new fears would arise?
• Who would you remove from your life?
• Who would you like to spend more time with?

Think deeply about these questions. I am convinced that they will surface some life changes that are worthwhile. That will give you great insight into whether you are living your life now. The life where you are spending your time and energy on those things that matter and are making your impact. That which you are here to do and with which you can help others move forward.

And finally I ask myself, What do I want to be told later on when I have died? How do I want to be remembered? What do I want to leave behind? And what are the words of impact that will be said about me?

The art of asking good questions, I previously wrote this Empowered Letter about it.

Focus on asking the right questions, not answers

Be patient. Don't look for the answers now. Live the questions. Then, without noticing it, you will live in the answer on a future day.

Focus on the questions.

Live the questions and the answers you seek will follow over time.

 One Life. Lead it. Live it.

Have a great week,

Gerdi

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